Anyone like rants?

Why do I keep seeing articles from “open-minded” people about how God is on the out because religion has ruined everyone? It’s all of a sudden. The last week there’s been no less than a zillion. Um, hello. God doesn’t change because you don’t like church. Religion can be confusing. Church isn’t for everyone. But God will be God whether you sit in a pew or a bar or an airplane or… I’d love to see more “open-minded” people recognize that you don’t have to call yourself Catholic or Jewish or Christian to be a follower of Christ. Where can I sign up to write articles and flail them around Facebook like I’ve got a doctorate in all things Jesus?

Is life passing us by?

I had a thought that I needed to put somewhere because, let’s be honest, Courtney has a bad memory.  Anytime I have a thought that is kind of an “aha” moment, I like to put it somewhere so that maybe it can inspire me later, too.

I spend a large part of my evenings thinking about “What’s my next step?”.  I think that’s pretty healthy for the most part, but I am literally searching and searching and searching with the thought, “I don’t want to get older and realize I had an option to make our lives amazing and I missed it.”  So that’s not quite as healthy as “What’s my next step?”.

I am literally so afraid of letting my life pass me by, that it’s passing me by while I search for ways to savor it.

WHAT. A. WASTE.  (I kind of hate it when people do that… put the period in between words for emphasis… but I must not hate it that much.)  My life is so incredibly good.  There are some crappy parts to my life, but I thank God for those.  I really, really need those.

Can we stop being so obsessed with having “more” that we miss the “more” we were looking for 15 years ago?

If you told me, when I was 17, that this would be my life, I would’ve been starry eyed and in disbelief.  “I’ll have a husband like that?!  And those two kids??  And that house!?”  Now I sit in a chair, in front of my computer, alone and in the dark, while my husband is in the living room watching TV with those two young men and it hits me… Go enjoy this life you wanted 15 years ago.  15 years from now you’re going to be sad that you didn’t.

Yay, I remembered my password!  Which is pretty awesome because I don’t remember anything.  Ok so obviously something hit me tonight because I wanted to write a blog.  Which I haven’t wanted to do in about 30 years.  It’s not that I don’t want to write a blog, I just don’t want to bore anyone with my daily happenings (road rage, work, etc.).  Tonight Ryan and I went out to eat at a place where we knew we could watch the Mets play (yes, they lost again).  We happened to be there the same night as a live band… and that band had me thinking about my past.  Mostly just the people I have met and the decisions I have made.

One of the oddest and biggest decisions I made was working at a sports bar in Fayetteville.  I needed a second job.  Badly.  I went straight  from my day job to filling out applications at restaurants and it was about 9:00pm and I was done.  I was on my way home and I saw one more sports bar I had never seen before.  It was called Foghorns.  I slammed on my breaks and thought, what the heck?  I should fill out one more.  The owner called me the next day and asked if I could start right away.  While I worked there I met SO many awesome people.  I also was reunited with some VERY old softball friends there.  I had planned on giving you some of their stories in this blog, but I really feel like I don’t even have the room.  Just because I pulled into that sports bar nine years ago, people are married.  Children were born.  I have great friends I never expected to find as a waitress.  But don’t forget what I just said.  COUPLES MARRIED.  THEY HAD CHILDREN.  Just because I pulled into a sports bar because I needed some extra money.

I’m not tooting my horn (I think needing a second job is far from horn tooting…) but I think it’s important to see that our actions affect more than just ourselves.  So when you wonder about what other lives you are touching with your decisions, make sure you think about the big picture.  I could never have imagined the impact that little sports bar would have.  Please know what you do matters.  God has a plan… I was reminded at church last Sunday that He does, in fact, have a plan.  But we can change His mind.  His character cannot be changed, but His mind can be.  Look it up.  That’s why we pray.  If you have a decision to make and you feel like it won’t affect someone else, just sit back and think of the tiny things.  I am so grateful that God had me pull into that little bar.  And yes, God can have you pull into a bar.  He can have you pull into anywhere he can use you.  He doesn’t only use people at church… Long story long, God is in control.  Our tiniest decisions have an impact on His big story and it’s important to know that your story matters.

Feels good to be back in my rambling, bambling, blog world.  Just think about what happened because you decided to read this!?

Being Stubborn

Well, I haven’t blogged in a while so I figured since I only have 21 hours and 53 minutes left to finish my homework, that I should probably blog instead.  Actually, I was driving this morning and something popped into my head.  Let me start with saying this happens about 100 times per minute.  But, I thought this was more interesting than the other things that popped in there today.  There are so many non-believers out there… and by non-believer (for your non-believers) I’m referring to believing in Jesus Christ.  Not that he existed, but that he died an ugly death and three days later rolled that stone away and stood in defeat of that ugly death.

I know there are plenty of reasons for non-believers to non-believe.  I’m only addressing one right now.  I’m addressing the non-believers who don’t believe in God because they don’t like the church.  “I don’t believe in that CRAP!  Look at that fool up there… he’s such an idiot.  Those church goers are all hypocrites!  Why would I want to be like them?!”

Perhaps those aren’t the exact words, but those are words I’ve heard a billion times… or so.  There’s so much wrong with that.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Your faith in and belief in Jesus Christ has nothing to do with the people in the church.  I’m going to agree, some churches are pretty jacked up.  I happen to be part of a church that I love, but I have been a part of a church I didn’t love.  That certainly didn’t make me not believe in God, though.  God knows your heart… even if you are one of those stubborn people who, maybe somewhere deep down you think you could “just see what this “God” guy is about” but you don’t want to because you don’t like the church… God knows that.  He knows your heart.  I don’t know, but I would assume, that I have non-believers read my blog.  If I do please know there’s more to faith than just “church”.  I mess up all the time and I still call my self christian.  It’s not like some kind of religious segregation where christians are allowed to be jerks and go to heaven and non-believers just have to put up with their BS.  Your relationship with God is just that, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.

There is this guy I know who I think is pretty cool.  He knows more about the bible than I ever will, and I could never, ever get into any kind of bible vs. science argument with him because I would assuredly end up speechless and lose.  He’s just smart.  But it’s like I told him… I believe in God for so many more reasons than just “the bible tells me to.”  It’s my experience with him.  How my relationship has grown with him, how he has molded my life to work perfectly for all the right reasons.  Even when it seems wrong.  Non-believers will think that is non-sense, but that’s the part they haven’t experienced.  That’s the part science can’t explain.  THAT’S the good stuff.  It’s easy for my walk with God to end up way off.  But I always come back to the same thing.  That relationship is a big deal.  It’s a bigger deal than going to church, it’s a bigger deal than just “keeping the peace”, it’s a bigger deal than doing nice things for other people… Please take all of this into consideration.  Science is great, fun, interesting, all of that.  But I don’t have a relationship with science.  I can’t.  Because it’s all “facts” that have been “proven”.

On a different note, I don’t know who wrote the quote, but I’m using it anyway.  It goes something like, “I dream of a better world.  A world where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.”

I love that.

Jesus loves me this I know…

I’ve been thinking a lot about something so I thought I’d share it… I’m so sad for some people that have a twisted outlook on religion.  There are some people who think God is literally “upstairs” with a whipping stick waiting to unleash on the first person who enjoys a beer, or a holiday for that matter.  I know some people are that way because I used to be.  I’m pretty happy that I’ve learned much more about our God.  The God that just wants a relationship with us.  I still have a lot to learn, because I’m thinking that no one has Him figured out… If you think you do, you should probably look again.  He’s not the type to give away all of his secrets.  🙂  He is a loving God.  When you make a mistake, He doesn’t laugh at you or scream at you.  He just wants to help you out of it.  When you have a really crappy learning experience, He doesn’t like it anymore than you do, but He knows it’s either necessary for you to be in the situation, or it’s necessary for someone else.  It’s never an accident.  I think a lot of people are confused by this… they must think that surely there is no such love.  We don’t see it down here very often because lots of people suck.  But our God doesn’t.  He is endlessly understanding and loving.  Thank goodness.  I would’ve been totally out of luck by now.  Especially because I can’t count how many times, in elementary and middle school, I told God if I could just have ONE MORE THING I’d NEVER ask for anything ever again!!!!!  If He was a jerk He would’ve been like, “Ok sister… you got your ice cream cone.  Good luck with the rest of your life.”  He isn’t a genie… and we aren’t supposed to understand Him.  If we did, I’d be searching for a new God.  I don’t want a God that my brain can wrap around.  Especially since I can’t even subtract.

hi.

Well hello there.  I hadn’t been motivated enough (with my rainbow being sucked out of me and all) to blog, but I think I may have enough to say tonight.  The KONY craze.  Oh yes… I got a message from my little brother last night that said I should take a look a link he left for me on my facebook page.  He thought I would care… and I did.  I’m definitely not about to tell you what’s going on over there.  If you don’t know already, you not only live under a rock, but you live under a ginormous rock.  He posted a video to my page and I watched it.  I shared it because I thought it was important.  Today I received a message that said I should take a look at another link because it had some additional information.  I’m not gonna lie, I didn’t read the whole link.   I do think, however, knowledge is knowledge and you should keep yourself informed on every side of any story you care about.  Some back story on this…

Almost a year ago (or maybe a whole year ago, my brain works wonders) my church was going on a mission and I started reading on it.  The LRA was real then and it’s real now.  I can’t put anymore behind it because I haven’t done enough research… but I do know that kids are being taken and forced to kill and mutilate others.  That’s a fact.  That’s not ok on any level.  No matter how many times it’s happened…  I don’t believe the folks that made the video recently are really trying to get a lot of money or anything.  I think they are asking for support to keep our few troops over there.  I say go for it.  We’ve got thousands of troops 100 other places doing things we didn’t give our consent for, why not this?  Also, this isn’t the only bad thing in our world.  There a so many bad things, we can’t even wrap our heads around it.  I believe there are even people who are “bad” who would be shocked at some of things going on.  If you are blessed, please recognize.

One other thing… (this usually means at least three more things) It’s April’s birthday.  If you’re reading this, just say, “Happy birthday, April…” out loud and that will be enough.  Thanks.

Oh and I’m really proud of my little brother.  I’m really proud that he can see the importance behind what goes on in the world that’s ugly.  I’m really proud that I can talk with him about ugliness and bad news and he can take it and then turn around and want to change it.  Can he?  I don’t know… can I?  I don’t know… but the fact that he wants it changed is something to be proud of.

And the last thing, I’m really thankful.  Today, I am overwhelmed with thanks in my heart.  No offense, but I have the BEST friends on this planet.  If you think your friends are better, you’re wrong.  Your friends may be equal to mine, but they aren’t better.  And my husband is top rank.  Like, your husband isn’t better than mine.  Equal… maaaaaaaaaaaaybe, not better.  No way.  God has blessed me with some serious friend/husband love.  My family is also great and I don’t want them to think I’m downplaying their greatness… but I talk about my family and their greatness pretty often, on and off.  I don’t know if I’ve actually give enough credit to my friends and my husband.  A lot of people have friends and they say they can talk about anything with them.  But what they really mean is they can talk about anything with them, except a few things.  I can actually talk about ANYTHING with ANY of them and it’s fantastic.  I treat my husband the same way.  I’m really pretty sure he knows more about women than he ever cared to know about… but he listens and he talks back and he cares.  This is maybe one of the most random posts I’ve ever made, but it’s all to say, care for your world.  A lot of it is bad, and if you can make a difference, even a small one… make it.  If you can share some truth and lend a hand, do it.  Nothing is more important than showing others you care about them.  Jesus spent his whole time here showing others he cared and showing others they should also care.  Show them.  Also to say, it’s April’s birthday, and lastly to say, I am lucky.  Which is another word for blessed.  God shows me that everyday.  He shows you that you’re blessed everyday, too.  Open your eyeballs.  Open your eyeballs to all of it.

k.thanks.bye.

Terrible Blogger Disease

Hi.  I decided I must have terrible blogger disease.  I am not good at doing it everyday… I realized that almost everything I decide relevant to blog about is sad, or mean, or depressing.  I definitely don’t want to be that sad, mean, and depressing chick that can’t think of anything nice to say.  Happier times are a-coming!!!!!!  On the bright side, there was hardly any sun today and it will be raining tonight…. ::womp, womp, womp::  Dude, it’s baseball season.  Who cares if the sun is shining?  Not me… plus, my sunglasses are broken and I just put them in the trash can.  Clouds are pretty handy when your sunglasses are broken.  One more thing — I’ve been looking for a new house to live in.  Why do people limit the number of pets you can have to two?  To those people I have this to say, “Don’t be an idiot.  Two dogs will be just as disastrous as four.  Promise.”

Ok… just wanted to give you guys an update on why I haven’t been blogging.  I will continue to blog again when my rainbow isn’t being sucked out of my insides anymore.  🙂  Oh, and that will be soon.  You’re welcome.

Heavy on my mind…

Usually I’m pretty upbeat, even when I’m mad I try to make everything a joke.  It keeps me “sort of sane”.  There are some things that aren’t a joke, though, and something that’s been heavy on my mind definitely isn’t a joke.  It’s children.  Not children that have great parents, but children who have awful parents, or no parents.  I’m one of those people that probably won’t be able to have kids.  Everyone always says, “Oh I’m so sorry…” well I’m not sorry.  God has a plan for me that may or may not include my own children.  I’ve already been blessed with two of the best boys on this earth… and I really know that they are.  But one thing I’m 100% sure of is that there are plenty of children that need parents.  One of the great mysteries of God is that He allows people to have children that don’t take care of them.  Here in the states, most people that have children and don’t want them, or don’t care about them, are just selfish.  Some of them have mental issues or are drug addicts, but it comes down to selfishness most of the time.  But abroad it’s an entirely different story.  I’ve always known that children outside the US have different hardships than even most of the children here.  I know there are some children here who endure more than any person should in 1o lifetimes.  We had a speaker at our church who spoke about the children in India.  He also had a lot to say about the women and men, but it’s the children that hurts my heart the most.  Women in India are regarded more as a pest than  a person.  They are typically only used for entertainment.  The most disgusting part about this (as if that wasn’t enough) is that girls from the age of six are considered “ok” for entertainment.  And I hope you know what I mean by that… I try to keep this mostly PG rated.  I can’t remember the numbers, but they’re staggering, of the little girls who get sold into slavery because their parents would rather have boys.  Some parents don’t even let their daughters live because, to them, women are useless.  Everyone wants a son.  Sometimes the little girls don’t even make it to a day old because their parents are so disappointed in the sex of their child.  Girls are sold for as little as $150 dollars.  Can you imagine?  Families have to feed the rest of their kids and themselves and there are no jobs available.  They are stricken with disease and hunger and pain.  Their situations are too much for me to even imagine.  I write about this tonight because it hurts my heart so much.  Americans (like me) hear about children who are mistreated all the time, but we hardly take into consideration how real this is.  How many more children there are that are sold and unloved than there are children who are loved and well cared for.  Just because we are fortunate enough to have wonderful families and friends doesn’t mean everyone else is.  As a matter of fact, if you have a wonderful family AND friends – true friends – you are beyond blessed.  More blessed than you will probably ever know.  I want everyone to appreciate what they have.  So your family isn’t perfect… so?  Your friends make mistakes… good.  You do too… no one is perfect.  Even though must of us have people in our families who make really stupid, bad decisions… we are still blessed.  Please know that.  Don’t take your circumstance and try to make it worse than anyone else.  Your circumstance will never be the worst.  Someone else is always hurting more than you.  And I really believe that.  Please thank God for the people in your life.  Please tell your family and friends you love them.  Take care of them.  We are more blessed than we will ever know.

 

One More Day!

• Ecclesiastes 8:15
  So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.
  Ecclesiastes 8:14-16

Being glad includes listening to Razorback baseball….

• 1 Timothy 6:17
  Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.
  1 Timothy 6:16-18

God RICHLY provides us with EVERYTHING for our enjoyment!!!  Like baseball!!!!

Yeah, Hog baseball starts tomorrow.  I’ve been counting down since last July, I believe, and tomorrow is the big day.  The Star Spangled Banner (which I should get paid for… more on that some other day), uniformed teams, dug outs, line-ups, dirt, catchers in all their glorious catching gear, curve balls, home runs, hot dogs, wins :)… No better time of the year.  Baseball season may even beat out Christmas season.  Well, now that I’m allegedly an adult, baseball season definitely beats out Christmas season.  I love cold days, Christmas lights, and the fact that Jesus was born, but I try to celebrate the latter everyday.  I try not to celebrate that just during December.  Baseball season is a beautiful thing.  If you don’t like watching baseball, it’s because you don’t know about the game.  You can’t appreciate the history and how much there is to know.  I would be happy to teach you (I’ve failed once, but she was German and never saw a game in her life… and when you’re in high school, lets be honest, college guys in baseball uniforms are much more important than the game – ICH LIEBE DICH WIEBKE!)!  It’s all a planned gamble.  Curve balls, bunts, steals, hit and runs… sure they’re mostly planned, but who knows if they’ll work.  When they do, there’s a tiny celebration in your heart.  A little baseball party inside your soul.  I love soul baseball parties.  Thank you, God, for creating us to think of baseball.  And thank you for creating me to love it.

To baseball season (and Ken Brock… no bigger Razorback baseball fan.  He’s a hot 89 today.  Happy Birthday Papa (via the Rennekers :))!!!

Young Love (ish)

Yesterday I picked up the six and nine year olds and had the best conversation with them to date.  I wish I had a recorder because I know I will never do the conversation justice.  I would like to share a few things I learned, though: We can now call being boyfriend and girlfriend “dating” starting in Kindergarten.  The six-year-old tells me he was first dating Passionate (that’s a name… another thing I learned), then “moved on to” Kaitlin, then “moved on to” Hannah.  Hannah has “apparently broken up with him” because he didn’t want to play with her at recess.  I asked, “Why wouldn’t you want to play with your girlfriend at recess?”  He says, “Because I was trying to play with Carson.  He’s famous.  He has a Kindle Fire.  I was trying to chase after Carson but I never got to him because I knew if I stopped Hannah was going to take me.  And if I had broken up with her she would’ve hit me in the face!”  He assured me he would try to find another girlfriend today.  Then I find out the poor nine-year-old has no cute girls in his class.  There’s a girl who has a crush on him, but he’s not interested. He did tell me he ALMOST saw two kids kissing under the slide.  Him and his friend could see their heads getting closer together and he “looked away for some reason” and his friend said they kissed.  He said he REALLY wished he had seen it so “he had the proof”!  And last but not least, I found out why the six-year-old had to “move on” from Kaitlin.  People were accusing them of kissing and he didn’t like it.  I asked why he was accused of kissing and he said, “Because we bumped heads.”